As I sit here, i am watching the most amazing rainstorm I have seen this season (granted, I live in the Sahel where it doesn't rain too often and also this rainy season just started... but...). the electricity has cut out a few times, yet still i press on to deliver my news to you. i just saw more sky-to-ground lightening than i have ever seen in my life! it's beautiful! I love rainstorms!

Last week, I had the chance to return to Ouahigouya, where I did my training a year ago, and help out with the training of the new Girls Education & Empowerment and Secondary Education volunteers who have recently arrived. I had the joy of returning to my host village of Komsilga for the community adoption ceremony of the newbies. It was almost overwhelming to realize how far I had gone in one year... that I have enough experience to train these new volunteers, to connect with them and provide support to both them and the training staff. Maybe I do know a thing or two about this vague, loosely-defined job of mine!

Standing in Komsilga, having gone there to escort the new trainees and finding myself welcomed by the women of the village as though i was their child, i realized that i had come full circle. in one year, i had gone so far and grown so much. my hand is so steady and sure now. i saw myself go full circle over the course of the past year. with my first step out of the van, i felt a sun set inside of me and heard the click of a circle being completed. the click of a seat belt is what it sounded like, just like security.

one of the staff facilitators joked that the village welcomed me back as though i was their princess. and indeed, i felt loved and treasured - by these people who don't know anything about how if i invested all the money in my bank account, it would be more than they'll ever see in their lives and could do so much for them; who know nothing about my life in the USA but accept me as who i am to them here. i felt so comfortable. i greeted everyone in Moore and Fulfulde. i went straight up to the chief and greeted him in Moore, completely at ease. i could understand most of, or at least the gist, of everything that was going on in Moore.

the little kids stood close to me, calling out my name as the trainee adoption ceremony went on. the girls that i cherished sheepishly made eye contact with me, but their modesty quickly dissolved as they reciprocated my smiles. i looked over at the elder men of the village and they nodded approvingly to me, as though i had come home. in some ways, part of me was home. i had done so much growing up in the short three months in this village. i can only imagine what it will be like in two years when i finish my service and have to leave my village up north. somehow, i feel like it just won't be the same...

in this village, i spent my infancy as a volunteer - stumbling over words, i wasn't yet able to speak; becoming re-socialized, learning how to be a part of this culture and looking for ways to belong. i regard my beginnings in my village of service more as an adolescence - difficult, lonely, feeling isolated and without the words to explain my growing pains. Seeking out allies to lean on and share with, whose company i could enjoy. having the words, but not yet anyone to express myself to. i look back at my infancy with nostalgia and am charmed by its simplicity, while my adolescent arrival to my village of service resounds with disorientation and uncertainty.

now, as i have reached the adulthood of my service, my hand is steady and, while my mind is sometimes troubled, i can see clearer. i have goals and means with which i can achieve them. i see choices ahead of me and boundaries that i am not afraid to defend. much like my real-life adulthood, i make my own choices and i relish the freedom to have the courage to take responsibility for them.

and as the sun sets, i look forward to tomorrow and everyday after...

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After working at the training of the new volunteers, I came back to Ouagadougou for a three-day training as a new member of the Peer Support Network (PSN). PSN is a volunteer-run peer-to-peer support network here in the Faso. We are available to volunteers who just need someone to talk with and topics can range from depression, sexuality (in a culture that is not open/accepting of different sexual orientations), homesickness...etc, whatever kinds of subjects that volunteers would like to discuss confidentially with a fellow volunteer are our domain. We are not professional support but can serve as a channel for PCVs who would like to seek professional help and also as a liaison for the administration and Peace Corps Medical Officers (PCMO - Peace Corps is full of acronyms; it's like a whole different language...).

Our group of 12 PSNs are really motivated and we have a great dynamic so far. We had so much fun during our training (well, as much as you while being trained over the course of three days...), we were laughing so much and joking- the atmosphere was really laid-back yet we were still able to be productive, which is great. I was elected as co-chair of the group and I'm also excited about that. p.s. my co-chair is the first person i've EVER met with the same bday as me, so we are a little Aquarian-Feb 9th powerhouse! :)

First of all, i am excited about PSN because i think it serves an extremely important function. our jobs are very hard, we are so isolated and independent in village and we need this kind of support and outlet. the only support we get of this nature is from other volunteers and it is great to have a volunteer group trained on addressing and dealing with volunteer mental health. how else can we be productive if we don't protect our sanity?

Also, being a part of PSN and being a co-chair gives me my productivity and structure fix. i have been so spoiled this month, starting with a one week-long training for the Pre-Service Training (PST), preparing me to train the new volunteers; then actually working at the PST, which is uber-structured and, finally, attending this training for PSN, i have been able to feel productive and organized with my time and energy. i must say, it has been a refreshing break - having direction, wow. such a rarity in my life here. (although, i do think that my second year of service will be better because i already have an idea of what sorts of activities i want to implement and how before the school year even starts. all the same, it's not like all this organization...)

recently, i've been kind of operating in fits and starts. i had bangs cut and then i cut off most of my hair. i had clothes made, much of new wardrobe was created. i been experiencing strange sleeping patterns: sometimes having spurts of energy at weird times of the day, like right now at 2:45am, and then, knocking out asleep for so long, you would've thought someone was paying me to sleep that much. i've been restless, neglecting my yoga, journaling and other centering activities, but, on the other hand, gaining the benefits of so much time spent socializing, exchanging and just relaxing with other volunteers. so, i've been feeling alittle lopsided-quoi, but it's been worth it to have this change of pace.

this summer is full of different and exciting experiences. though i am alittle nervous to be spending long periods of time away from my site (in terms of integration and continuity), i think i will go back with better focus and energy... with my one-year countdown to look forward to... and lament.



what's up
temp: in Ouaga, it's been unbearably hot until the rain falls and then the most amazing rain storms torment the earth
currently reading: The Middle Passage by VS Naipaul/ The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
just finished: The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coehlo
current favorite song: Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls (it's my text message ringtone!)
last thing i ate: strawberry ice cream!
last thing i bought: cab ride home (60 cents)
recent butterfly: new haircut!
recent onion: loss of appetite :(
fave destressing activity: narcoleptic napping
unattainable craving: NYC
next lesson: just learned some new listening techniques for volunteer counseling which i am looking forward to practicing
next goal: get my pictures in order!
looking forward to: TOGO & GHANA (how many times can i mention those two country names before actually getting there?)
updated: 18 june 07